She sighed dejectedly as she stared at the five dollar bill in her hands. The five dollar bill her mother had given her so she wouldn’t be tempted to try and cook anything. Rose looked up and mentally shrugged it off. Figured. One mistake and her mother never trusted her in the kitchen again. Well… Fine. So it wasn’t just one mistake. It was several. But still… Paying your own daughter not to cook? Rose looked back up and realized it was her turn at the cash register; she was buying some cookies and a small carton of milk. It was a small wonder as to why she wasn’t fat as a pig from eating nothing but junk all the time. But she supposed she got her exercise from walking to the store and back just to buy the junk she ate. The cash register lady took her money and gave her back a penny in change which Rose pocketed. Then Rose put the cookies in a bag, grabbed the milk and left the store. As she walked down the main road, the busiest one, from the ritzy organic food store in the ritzy new area to the possibly previously ritzy homes she opened the small carton of milk and leisurely drank it. Milk was good. It was healthy and delicious and in Rose’s mind, practically a sin to waste.
It was spring and the cherry blossoms covered the trees and ground like snow. No one could confuse it with snow though, especially in March, as it never really snowed in this stupid town, except for one time in Rose’s memory. The idiot place she lived in just gets dustings, as an acquaintance of hers from Missouri had said one time. A sudden vibrating sensation caused Rose to stop walking and fish out a vibrating cell phone from her pocket. She looked at the caller ID and grinned, flipping the phone open and exclaiming loudly,
“Well hello Tally-Darling~ How are you m’dear?” only to be greeted in return with sobs from the other side. A worried expression crossed over her face.
“Tally??” She asked worriedly. “What’s wrong?” This couldn’t be good. Tally never cried except when something severe happened, like her grandmother died or she couldn’t go to a sleepover. Another anguished sob and then,
“I’m moving.” And Rose’s blood stopped.
Several hours later Rose wondered how she could’ve run so fast without getting tired. She was glad she had gotten chocolate cookies too, Tally’s favorite, but it really hadn’t been enough. Tally was still moving, and in a week at that. Only one week left with her other half. Tally and her were practically apart of each other, or at least that’s what it felt like to Rose.
As the days went by the depression became worse and worse but at least every once in a while Tally and Rose would laugh. Just every once in a while though. Finally on the last day when Tally was leaving Rose called her with a plan.
“I’ll come over there. We’ll still be together. No matter what.” She said excitedly. She could pull it off; it would be quite easy actually. Leaving the wretched house she was in was a dream anyways. Two birds with one stone. The only problem was dealing with people, getting the money for it was easy. All of a sudden all plans were cut to a halt.
“STOP IT ROSE! I HAVE MY OWN LIFE. GET YOUR OWN.” Tally shouted angrily and slammed the phone down, along with Rose’s heart… ending the last conversation.
Rose sat there in her over-loved-old-fashioned-near-dead-flower-print chair, body trembling and tears streaming down her face. She didn’t understand. What did Tally just say? But another part of her knew exactly what Tally had said. It was over. There was no going back. Was there? She struggled against the facts. The phone was still open and pressed against her face but slowly it fell from her grasp and on to the chair she was sitting on. She didn’t know how long she remained there but she did, for as long as she could. It wasn’t like she had to do anything later on, there was nowhere to go, no one to see. Tally was right; she needed to get a life. But… Tally had been her life. Tally was the one she would do anything for. Tally was the one she just wanted to make the happiest. Tally had always accepted her as who she was and never asked her to change a thing. Tally had laughed at her mistakes when other had scorned her because of them. And now Tally was shouting at her to get a life? To give her back her own? Had she tried to steal Tally’s life? Yes. She had. And she knew it. As painful and horrifying as it was, she knew she had tried to take Tally’s life away from her and make it her own. How low. She was the lowest of the low. To forget that Tally was someone else, not her. Her body shook now not from the betrayal of Tally but of the betrayal she had done to Tally.
Slowly she got up and walked out of her room. That annoying room that hadn’t been anything but a burden to her since the day she got it. She’d come back, at least the place would be useful for one thing finally. Rose walked downstairs, it was past midnight and her mother was asleep, she knew that much. Other than that Rose didn’t speak to her mother much except when she was asking for things. One time, one now precious memory, they had had a deep conversation about just anything and everything. Rose loved that memory but she knew it’d never happen again. She’d hurt Tally. She could never forgive herself for that. In her room the cold metallic blade slit her wrists and drew out her blood. Although no one would ever know, her last words were,
“I’m sorry Tally.”
She was born into the world and drawn out of it scared; scared of living, scared of breathing, scared of change. Maybe, just maybe, if she’d lived, breathed, and changed, she would’ve realized that they weren’t so scary. But then again, maybe she’d already tried and been scared away. Once bitten, twice shy. Those who knew her wept and even some of those who didn’t know her also wept. But most of those who didn’t know her, most of those in the world, never knew she ever existed. They never knew a fourteen year old girl named Rose Summer who lived with her mother and two cats ever existed. They never knew she loved to read and no one ever knew the real reason she killed herself. Her mother didn’t blame anyone but herself and walked through the rest of her life in despair that she couldn’t have been there for Rose. Her only Rose. Tally cried before, at, and after her funeral. She never told anyone if she ever really got over it. Her Rose was gone forever and she didn’t know why. All of these people cried because their Rose was gone. Rose cried in death as she heard that no one celebrated her life. No one remembered that she loved to read. No one remembered all the wonderful times they had with her. No one knew her well enough to understand why she died. No one understood exactly why she loved milk so much. Tally definitely never understood why Rose had loved her so much. Rose never understood if Tally loved her at all. Complications and miscommunications killed the celebration of life held at her school. Who was she? Most of the students asked each other. Oh she was that weird girl who always was reading. Did they not know? That it was easier to talk to a person who said hello rather than to say hello to someone themselves? Oh well they muttered. She was dead now. Not their life that had gone away. And they were right Rose knew. It wasn’t their lives that had ended, it was hers. And now that it was gone all that was left to do was to let the living live. As she realized this she wondered that maybe, if she was really good, she could be reborn as Tally’s child. And then, live, breath, change, and love.