Hey, this is a clan-fic for the clan "Mostly Literate Clan", so if you don't know the people of the clan, how can you understand this? Though I suppose you could try....

Saturday

“I can’t believe you called me here Saturday. It‘s the only day I get off.” A girl with long chocolate brown hair was storming down a narrow hallway, the heels of her black boots making deafening clacking noises as they echoed off the walls. Her dark blue jeans and black turtleneck seemed illuminated against the bright light coming from all directions going down the hall.

“Nothin’ I could do, Alex. You know how the boss is. She said she wanted the whole team here for this and that would include the team captain, aka, you.” A boy with tousled hair was strolling right behind Alex, a smile tugging at his lips.

“I know.” she sighed, “But is it really that urgent? And so early too…”

“You do realize it’s already noon.”

“Yes, I realize that! It‘s precious time that should be spent sleeping!” Alex snapped, abruptly turning around. She hadn’t noticed the boy continue to walk, and they both collided head first. “Ugh. How many times have I told you never to walk behind me? It’s a hazard.” She absently rubbed her head while sitting on the light blue rug flecked with white, and looked ahead of her. The boy nodded, took out a pair of seemingly normal sunglasses and started toying with them. Almost instantly three lenses popped out of the side, lists of numbers visibly running through them.

“Call Squid.” the boy commanded his glasses. Two of the three lenses started flapping wildly, the last one spinning. A rod instantly popped out of the spinning lens, and a small clicking noise was heard. A hologram of a tall girl sitting behind a desk pecking away on her computer was seen. After a second, she seemed to notice the two.

“Oh, hello! Why are you two on the floor?” the girl inquired.

“Do you even have to ask?” Alex mumbled. The girl at her desk turned her head upward in thought and then quickly she shook her head in astonishment.

“Rickey, Alex, you’re one minute and twenty four seconds late.”

“Sorry Squid, the Drama Queen wouldn’t wake up.”

“Aw, lay off it Rickey! You both know I like my Saturdays.” Rickey angled himself away from the hologram and stuck his tongue out so that the boss couldn’t see. Alex’s ears turned red, steam almost visibly tumbling out. Both the agents heard a snap and turned their attention once again to the hologram.

“Get down to my office, now.” With that the hologram shut off leaving the two stunned.

Alex quickly stood up and brushed herself off, giving a hand out to her friend. After the two were both standing, Rickey opened the door in front of them to reveal a whole other world.

A hover car zoomed past them, and Rickey instinctively hit the giant red button on the side of the wall. The car stopped where it was, now 100 meters away and rushed back in front of the agents, stopping just before running them over. The sides lifted up onto the roof of the car, and the pair stepped in. Within seconds they were in front of their boss’s door. They both quickly stepped out and entered the office.

The once holographic woman was now madly hammering a statue of an woman wearing too much make up and too little a shirt

“What’s going on, Mari?” Alex interrogated.

“It’s how I take my anger out on fanfic writers. They write mindless garbage with tons of mistakes, and yet they’re the one with all the pops. This one here is of a teenager in California who wrote a pointless NaruSasu story. She got millions of people’s comments, pops and ratings. I read it but it was absolutely awful. They basically end up in an awkward situation and then suddenly make out. What has happened to the world of good literature?” She shook her head in disgust.

“I feel your pain. But what’s with calling us here on a Saturday, Mari?” Alex looked around the room and saw the rest of her crew. Airichan was sitting in her usual chair in the corner, a clipboard in hand and feverishly reading short stories, musings, and continuations to previous written works. She was going to be late for her weekly pics, and was desperately trying to get caught up.

“Oh, nothing really important. The weather is quite nice, isn’t it?” Calamari looked out the window and then promptly attached her forehead to her desk.

“You know, before you try and change a subject to avoid confrontation, you should make sure what you’re saying is accurate.” Alex sighed, pushing away the curtains to reveal it pouring cats and dogs outside… literally. Dogs and cats of all shapes and sizes were falling down out of the sky onto the streets of the town Mostly Literate. “Eh, who’s writing this fiction?” Alex continued.

Calamari put her hand to her chin in thought, “I believe it’s some new writer. Experimenting with easy stuff first. Such as the weather.”

AnnChoEve waved her hand nonchalantly, “Yeah, yeah, enough small talk. What’s going on?”

“Well, we have a new recruit; she’s being added to your quadrant. We need Alex to show her around.” Calamari said, taping two pens diabolically to her computer to continue typing whatever new story was forming in her brain.

“Then what was the point of all of us coming?” AiriChan complained, “I have tons of fiction to read and my children need lunch.”

“The point?” The boss lady momentarily stopped her pecking of the keys, “for kicks, I suppose.” Everyone in the room stared at her in astonishment. “I guess I also brought you all down here for a meet-and-greet with your new teammate. This is Agent MXSkai, her real name on her profile says fish. Here, I’ll introduce everyone.” Calamari gave a grand sweep of the room, “This jolly guy here is Agent Grinzor, or Ricky. He’s gadget wiz, oh, and he also works part time as a hugging ninja.”

“Don’t let that name fool you, I’m not really a wiz. I just mess around with something until it explodes or does something cool.” Rickey replied, his glasses floating in the orbit around his head.

“Moving on,” Calamari continued, “The is Agent AnnChoEve, also known as Ann. She can communicate with animals.”

“Animals are pretty easy to understand because their sensible creatures. Humans on the other hand, are another story.” Ann said, shaking her head.

“Okay, this is Agent AiriChan, or Heather. She has the special mind blowing skill of wielding a spatula. She’s who we use when force is needed.”

“Hey, that’s making me sound like a bad guy!” Airi complained.

“Bad guys have more fun.” Alex breathed.

“And this cup of sunshine here is Agent LionChica, or Alex. She has some mind powers that none of us really understand; it’s useful for pulling information out of suspects. Everyone, I’ll repeat, This is MXSkai, or Fish.”

“Nice to meet ‘ja, Fish-Stick. This is my crew and that there” Alex pointed to Calamari. “is the boss lady. On missions we’re to call her Calamari, but other than that she goes as Cal, Squid, and I call her Mari.”

“F-F-F-Fish-Stick?” Fish stuttered.

“Yeah, do you not like it?” Alex asked, curious.

“No, it’s fine… but only as long as I get to call you Kitty-Chan.” Alex gave Fish a nod of approval.

“Hey, Fish-Stick, I’ll show you around tomorrow, alright? Saturday’s my day off, and I intend to use it.” Without another word, Alex left the room and out of the agency.

Sunday

“Coming through, coming through! Hey, training a newbie here, get out of the way!” Alex shoved her way through a crowd, leading Fish into a forbidden sector. After 10 hearty moments of jostling and pushing, Alex finally reached her destination.

“Okay, for this sector, you must have an ID card, or else you won’t be allowed in. Because yours hasn’t come in yet, you may only get in with your QL or Quadrant Leader. That would be me.” While explaining all of this, Alex took out her wallet and scanned it on the pad and then proofed it to the security guard.

“Hey, can I see that?” The newbie, Fish, asked.

“Oh, yeah. Go ahead.” Alex hastily forked over the ID to Fish, who was intently staring at it. The ID was black, the writing in white. There was a picture of Alex, all dressed up as if she was going to a party and as Fish thought about it, maybe Alex had been. The top of the ID said WBI of the MLC (Writer’s Bureau of Investigation of the Mostly Literate Clan). There was Alex’s agent name, and many incomprehensible numbers that she assumed were to a code of some sort. Fish, now dazed, handed the ID back.

“Okay, this is the area where we keep important files on each and every writer out there. We have everything on a person. And I mean, everything. From things as general as what’s there favorite food to the specifics such as the color of underwear the person wore yesterday.” Alex shivered, “I suggest you use these files when you’re looking for something specific, or else you’ll und up mentally scarred. Trust me. Anywhozle, if there are any new writers, a new file will appear on the desk over there and - ” Alex was cut off by an abnormal buzzing noise.

“W-what’s that?!” Fish implored.

“It’s a red alert! An unidentified person is in the agency! We have to lock everything up and evacuate.” Alex immediately pressed an enormous red button, that covered about half the wall and instantly a huge tube came down from he ceiling and sucked Fish and Alex up into the air. In a nanosecond they were outside.

If they had left any later, they would have noticed a new writer’s folder pop into mid air, fall the ground. A shadowy figure picked up the folder and walked away.

…

“Ugh, I hate red alerts.” Alex complained. “We seriously need a different location for that tube to bring us, because a pool isn’t doing it for me.” Alex, Fish, and the entire agency was now located in the community pool, where everyone was in a panic. “Okay, down to business. RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICKEY!” Alex shouted, her voice piercing the commotion of the crowd. Only a moment later, the only dude of their quadrant came up on a floating chair, smiling and not covered in water.

“Hey, watcha need?”

“Standard procedure. Shut down everything in the agency. Make sue nothing is left, and find that creep that infiltrated our base.”

“Got ’ya covered, Capt’n.” Rickey and his flying chair vanished in a puff of smoke.

Five minutes later, everyone was out of the pool, each quadrant in their own private bases.

“Okay, reports!” Alex ordered.

“Everything has been shut down, but there was no body found in the entire agency.” Rickey stated. Alex’s eyes grew hard, looking now at Agent AnnChoEve.

“The animals around the agency said they didn’t see a person walk by. They did see a shadowy figure, but it wasn’t human. It was odd, they said it was too big to be an average animal, but it wasn’t shaped like a human in the least.” Ann replied

“There seemed to be no struggle to get into the Agency, nothing broken or cut into. It seemed as if the person knew all the codes and simply walked into our base.” Heather sighed.

“And from my end, there have been no new writers to account for, and there haven’t been any recent crimes that would support anyone being against the WBI.” Alex reported.

“Alex, why is our quadrant handling this?” Fish asked.

“Because our job is to deal with anything that happens to the agency, and of course the additional missions that everyone gets. Our quadrant was put together because of our skills, and we’re the most reliable team.”

“So, what’s the plan, Chief?” Ann asked.

“Find out as much about this as you can, don’t overlook any detail! You all have one day. Meet again tomorrow, to go over everything, and we’ll go from there.”

Monday

“Any leads?” Alex asked desperately.

“No.” the team answered solemnly. “But we have some possible suspects, but their not likely.”

“Okay, who are the suspects?” Ann and Heather looked at each other, worried. “Hey, Fish, do you mind if we talk to Alex alone?” Fish looked confused, but quickly agreed.

“So what’s up?”

“Fish is a suspect.”

“What?! Why??! She was with my all day yesterday!”

“It’s only a precaution, Alex. All Newbies are under suspicion. But we gotta know, did Fish look at anything she could have given to people on the outside? Anything important, like files and such?” Ann asked.

Alex’s face turned white, “She looked at my ID. But she only had it for awhile. She couldn’t have memorized all those numbers and codes!”

“You know as well as I do that she could have just taken a picture with something clipped to her person, and sent the picture to someone on the outside.” Ricky interjected.

“I understand.” Alex said, matter-of-factly, “As long as Fish is under suspicion, she is to be with me at all times. And if need be, you guys will have to continue the investigation as I lead her on a red herring. When she walks back into this room, we will act as if everything is normal. Me and her will go on a regular assignment, while you guys continue the search. You needed to talk to me alone because it was a personal thing, do not mention this discussion. Got it?”

The team silently agreed and Fish was allowed back into the room. Alex took Fish by the arm and led her around the corner of the base. Before Alex could do anything, a hologram of Calamari appeared.

“Alex, I just overheard your conversation, and I applaud your efforts. I sincerely hope your mother will do okay.” Calamari said.

“My mother…?” Alex questioned.

“Yes, your mother.” Calamari pressed.

“Oh, yes! My mother! I hope she is doing well, too.”

“Now, for that assignment of yours. This one is a bit of a toughie, but I think you can fare.” With a popping noise, the hologram disappeared and a folder appeared. Alex opened it to find her assignment, and as soon as she was done reading she realized she had been transported to the location. Fish looked around, horror struck.

“What is this place?”

“You’re disgusted by it?” Alex asked, shocked.

“Yes!” Fish exclaimed. If she’s disgusted by this surely she couldn’t be a person to break into the agency! Alex thought.

“Well,” Alex hesitated, caught off guard, “ This is our next assignment’s house. Their hearts desires reflect in their writing, which forms their houses. Don’t you know the basics?” Fish shook her head. “No? Then how can you be an agent?” doubt started to bubble up inside Alex. If she doesn’t know this stuff… is she really an agent?

Alex opened up the manila folder once again to see her assignment:

Name: Kankuro15

Offence: Stealing work and claiming it for one’s own work.

Penalty: Work credit distributed to correct owners, and the offender goes to court, further punishment to be decided in court.

“Okay, our assignment is easy. It’s a simple capture and release into our holding confinement…”

Alex proceeded to knock down the door, and a net shot from her watch capturing a squirming figure in the process.

In the Meantime

“No, I asked if you had seen anything suspicious walking around.” Ann said.

“And I told you, that milk the milkman delivered looked pretty fishy to me. Man, did you get a whiff of that thing? Blach!”

“I was talking about people!”

“Well then, no, no suspicious people.”

“Why do you say it like that?”

“I told you, because there were some nasty milk around, but your not considering milk to be people!”

“But milk cartons aren’t people!”

“Hey, how do you think that makes them feel, huh? They have feeling too.”

“No they don’t!”

“That is the most specieist thing I’ve ever heard!”

“Specieist?”

“Ugh! You know, discrimination against a species? You don’t like milk, so you’re being specieist!”

“What is going on over there?” Heather asked.

“I have no idea. Sounds like a lot of barking to me.” Rickey said, observing Ann fight with a dog.

One week later, after many missions that were so incredibly boring and easy, we (we being me, the writer of this tale) decided to completely skip then and go straight to the point where after many long days of extensive search, the group randomly found a squirrel hair and after checking their records and this giant computer thing they found a writer who matched the quota, and viola! there was a new suspect. I also hope I didn’t make your brains hurt with how long that last sentence was. Anyway, now with Fish’s name clear, they entered the lair of MrGBH. As it turns out, he was just busy writing the next chapter to Amy-chan, and he got a bit carried away. One of the Nazi squirrels escaped from his story had ended up wreaking havoc. He apologized and the god of fiction was now watching his fictions closer, for the safety of the people of Mostly Literate.

Owari

Afterward…

“Milk is not considered an organism!” Ann argued

“Why not?” The dog hissed.

“Because you drink milk!”

“Well, you eat meat!”

“What does that have to do with anything?!”

“It has to do with everything!”

“You know what, I feel like eating a hot dog.”