A Tony Morning is a weird morning.

While I was asleep, I dreamed of accidentally getting mixed up in a intergalactic marriage being hosted in my backyard and ending up being married to a great-looking space chick who happens to be the royalty of another entire planet. Her race spoke through beatboxing and they had sporting contests involving using an electric rod. So I commanded these aliens to aid the U.S. forces and use their superior technology to locate Osama and bring him to justice.

I then woke up at about 7:30 with a headache in the left side of my head.

So after I wrestle clothes on, I go downstairs and guzzle down half a gallon of milk that was about as cold as snow (Not so much as ice, but still). No cereal. Nothing else. Then I get mad at myself because I can't take my antibiotics (just for acne) because the extremely large amount of cow juice I just swallowed, mixed with the antibiotic's chemicals, would make my skin senstive. So I try to pack a lunch, suddenly realizing that there's little to make except for a sandwhich, a drink, and maybe one of those Little Debbie treats. I decide "Heck With It", and just go off and finish my Algebra homework, which is due today. I manage to finish the first page when my friend Zach rings the doorbell. I'm thinking, "You can't hide from me, forever, Tony! Not even if I have to ring that thing three times!!!"

So I go and answer the door, and there he is, smiling.

"Sorry, Tony. I couldn't go to Ty's house because he was doing Algebra homework."

I tell him I'd be out in a minute, and shut the door on him. Judging by my dog's barking, he's run out to the backyard to wait for me. Like a dog. Which is kinda weird. But nothing really compared to the dream. So I pack up. It's about 8:02 when I walk out the door (time to fight Luigi), and I calm my dog, Gypsy, down. I lock the door and head out. Of course, Zach is there. I put the keys where I always put the keys, and we walk off to the bus stop, talking about how Zach managed to finish his Algebra homework early along the way (Which is sort of unusual, but nothing compared to him waiting happily in my backyard). We get to the bus stop, I guess I start beatboxing for a little bit, and then comes down Ty with a giant plate of wrapped burritos (What the heck?!?). He tells me to hold the plate of burritos (He explains they're actually chicken enchiladas, but they look far too much like burritos to have me convinced). While I'm holding the burrito-chiladas, he shows Zach this magic trick involving him squeezing his wrist. After Zach squeezes it, Ty strokes his wrist a little bit to show some red marks that looked like he beat a "7" into it, which was the number Zach thought of.

Up comes Rufus, that ADD dog I told you about? AND HE'S FREAKIN' HUGE!!!

Oh my God! Rufus is like, three times the size since I last saw him! He just sprints up to us as fast as he can. "Oh! LOOK! WOAH! CHILDREN! AGAIN!" He is all over the place! "Woah, look! Grass! Woah! A car! Oh my God! BIRDS!!! Woah! A street! CHILDREN, AGAIN! Woah! I can see everything from the top of this roof! Hey! Is that Clifford? He looks like an ant, or something! WOAH! BURRITOS!!!"

I'm trying to keep Ty's burritos from the mangy mutt while he keeps showing all the kids on the block his new magic trick, which is flawed, because it shows the same number only, but somehow it works, anyway. People are AMAZED! WOAH! WOOOAHHH!!!

Finally, the topping of all weird things, the lady who owns the dog actually comes out to get him!!! Oh my God! It's like the pound actually knocked some sense into the fat hag! She's all "Hey! Rufus! Come on out here! God, I'm so fat... RUFUS!!!"
He just stares at her. He's not even listening. He's been out here playing so much that he doesn't even follow simple commands, anymore. So something even crazier happens, she walks out into the sidewalk to get him! Oh, she's really shoving some weight around for him! Her face is nearly red, and she's just struggling to get him. We manage to convince the dog to follow her. She is just walking along the sidewalk with the dog. It actually looks like the owner is going to get the dog back inside!!!

Whoops, I was wrong! But, of course, I knew it was too good/strange to be true. Off darts Rufus, LIGHTSPEED at this guy in an orange suit just trying to weed some grass! He freakin' jumps on his back! The guy falls over and is just suddenly scrambling and running away! Meanwhile, Ty and I are laughing our butts off. This day couldn't get weirder! Then the bus comes and runs clean over a sign in the sidewalk! We laugh even harder! This is the WORST BUS STOP EVER. It was such an unusual morning...

But nothing compared to Zach finishing his Algebra early...