Setting here smoking, (Nooo, i'm not getting high - those days have passed - got tired of being stupid). If you want to smoke, fine with me, it helps to get rid of the all those really stupid people - NOT!

I like to watch people, how they act or react out a simple task in just a few minutes. I've watched children play in the park, their simple world only exsists in the now time. There is no tomorrow or even any past.

They jump, run, laugh, cry all in one moment of time, now. But a grownup, ha, we live for tomorrow. Now has no meaning or fun or laughing there because we worry too much about tomorrow. Will tomorrow really bring us joy, love, happyness, riches or break us to where we lose everything we have now?

I - well, i just live for each moment in time. I watch the world go by and see the people dash here and there trying to extend time. Their worried faces contorted because there is so much on their minds that they worry if they can finish it within a small time span in their busy little lives.

I have to laugh and cry at looking at myself. I dream of helping people who really need it, but then my fantasy crashes around me. How could i help anyone when i cannot help myself? My own life fades away to nothingness no matter how hard i try or not try to change it.

Now for 9 years i pushed myself to better my life only to feel the physical and mental and emotional pain drink my life away. For me, life does suck, so i enjoy watching people run here and there with their contorted faces as they try to beat the clock of life.

As for me, i've failed my life. I've lost all hope and refuse to take handouts. For i am still able to work but not like i once was as a young man. My life is coming to its end and i can accept that, and do accept it. Now i look forword in time for that simple moment when i close my eyes for the last time...