Epilogue

Final Entry

June 22

            I just returned from Helerod. It was some of the worst events in my life. First, I’m married to Nulena. Secondly, Idri was at the wedding. I thought she had stayed in Bormaunt. I have no idea how she got to Helerod. During the wedding ceremony, I thought I smelled her scent, but I figured it was only my imagination. When the reception started, I could still smell it. I followed it out onto the balcony; there, to my horror, there was Cassus, drinking Idri’s blood!

            I was screaming, “Cassus!” I charged at him, violently pushing him away and grabbed Idri. It felt like an eternity since I’ve seen her lovely face. Her breathing was staggered from the damage Cassus had inflicted on her. She had lost more than half her supply of blood.

            “Sein,” Idri breathed while she wouldn’t stop bleeding. She slowly reached up to gently stroke my cheeks. Her touch was so warm; I don’t ever remember it possessing such a high temperature.

            “Cassus, what have you done?” I demanded my cousin in a vicious growl. I was livid with him.

            He only shrugged, as though Idri was a tiny twig rather than the person I cared for the most in the world. “She ordered me to kill her.”

            I looked down at Idri. She was struggling to breathe; her blood wouldn’t stop spilling to the floor; it also splattered on my lap. “Idri, don’t die!”

            “It’s too late,” Cassus told me, sounding as though he had something better to do. “I drank enough blood to have her killed. She’s dying as we speak.”

            “I’m sorry, Sein,” Idri uttered in a chocked voice. “I…I can’t bear to know you’re like this now…A vampire…Nulena’s husband…I’m sorry for everything. I…I love…”

            Before she could end her sentence, Cassus impudently interrupted with a wicked smile, “You’re a vampire now, Sein. Can you smell her blood? How delicious it is? Can you feel it tempting you? Doesn’t it just call for you to--”

            “Shut up!” I was battling the bloodlust that was trying to force me to drink Idri’s blood. It smelled so enchanting. It was like roses and chocolate. As I concentrated on warding off the temptation, I felt Idri’s body become limp in my arms. I instantly looked down at her. Her eyes were shut, and her mouth was slightly open from trying to breathe. Her blood flow was slowing down; they now made me think of decaying roses and chocolate in the process of becoming stale.

“Idri?” I was in total panic. I tried shaking her, but I didn’t want to hurt her. “Idri? Idri! Idri!”

            “She’s dead.” Cassus sounded bored.

            “Don’t tell me that!” I yelled. I felt a few tears springing into my eyes.

            Cassus rolled his green eyes. “It’s true. Accept it, Sein.”

            “No! No, I can’t! You bastard!”

            Cassus scoffed. “Call me a bastard? Look at who’s talking.”

            Abruptly, the cursed scent of Idri’s blood was starting to grab my attention again. It started to wrap around my mind, slowly squeezing the strong temptation to drink it.

            “Her blood is losing its freshness,” Cassus informed. He smiled smugly. “Don’t let good blood go to waste, Sein. You’d be a fool to do so. Taste her blood, Sein. Savor it on your tongue.”

            “No! I refuse to!’

            In a flash of a second, Cassus grabbed a fistful of my hair and savagely yanked on it. When I cried out, he swiped his pointer finger upon Idri’s bloody neck and thrust it into my mouth. He wiped his finger across my tongue and hastily snatched it out of there before I could bite down on him.

            While Cassus flicked away my saliva, I swallowed the small sample of Idri’s blood that he had given me. All my sanity and reason had gone; all I was left with was the raging temptation to intake Idri’s blood.

            I brought her blood-splattered neck to my mouth, lapping up the rest of the blood Cassus thankfully didn’t drink. I attacked the blood before its freshness disappeared. The warm, thick liquid was rich with flavor. It was like liquefied strawberries that had been dipped in chocolate. All I wanted to do was to drink her up. I pressed her soft neck harder against my mouth, sucking up all her blood. I wouldn’t let a single drop remain in her; even a miniscule amount was too delicious to give up. Her blood rolled across my tongue and ran my throat like thick rivers. I was sorry when I had finished the final remnants. I only wished there was more to enjoy.

            When I finally lifted my head from her neck, my sanity flowed back to me. I gazed down at Idri, forgetting who she was for a moment. But I was horrified when I realized what I had done: I drank her blood. She looked so drained now, and truly dead. This is all my fault. I can never forgive myself, ever. I hate myself.

            I screamed in agony. Tears were bursting from my eyes. I howled louder than a wolf, my voice erupting with torture, angst, fury, hatred, and sorrow. Out of all of the miserable experiences I’ve had in my life, this was the most painful.

            Wedding attendants rushed outside, curious and surprised to see what was happening: the groom (me) was kneeling on the balcony floor, sobbing during his own wedding, and tightly clutching a bloodless human girl to himself. But did he care about them? No. All he could think of was the girl he held; she wasn’t even his bride.

            I rushed back inside; my wedding guests backed away from me, fearing what may happen if they were in my way. I saw Nulena standing in the middle of the ballroom, standing between Grandfather and Aunt Jevoura. Grandfather and Nulena coldly glared at me; Aunt Jevoura appeared shocked and concerned.

            “Sein.” Aunt Jevoura reached out a hand and stepped towards me with hesitation, as though I were a lion that might devour her in a single gulp. I whisked my way out of the ballroom and rushed up who-knows-how-many flights of stairs to my bedchamber, the one I was given while I stayed in Helerod. There, I placed Idri in my coffin. I didn’t care if she lay dead in my coffin, which was meant for my bedtime. She needed a resting placed.

            I crouched by the coffin, hugging my knees as I sobbed on them. I was so ashamed of myself.

            By the time the sun’s rays began to touch the night sky, I felt exhausted. The coffin may have been occupied by Idri’s corpse, but there was still room. I gently laid down next to her, holding her dead body in a tight embrace. If only she was alive she sleep with me. I want to feel her warm breath and watch her in a peaceful slumber next to me. Instead, she was lifeless. I kissed her frozen lips so many times, wishing in vain that she was alive. I’d do anything to revive her. However, the sad truth was that no matter how hard my efforts were, my one true love, the girl who owns my heart, she’d never live again. Not only that, my heart has died with her. In addition, I feel responsible for her death. A piece of my soul will never live again, and will never be given to anyone else. It can never be replaced. I will never love again.

           I cried myself to sleep while I held Idri in my sleep. I dreamt that she had woken up by my side, alive and well. She kissed me upon the lips, and I cried with joy. I will never kiss anyone’s lips but hers; I woke up in my dream, not as Nulena’s husband, but as Idri’s husband. But I wasn’t a vampire, but a dhampir, accepted for the half-breed I was.

            When dusk came, I sobbed when I awoke, only to find that my dream was a false illusion. Idri lay dead next to me. I would never finish grieving for her.

            Shortly after I awoke, my family and I began to leave Helerod to return to Bormaunt. Although there was carriage for Nulena and me, the newlyweds, I stubbornly refused to ride with Nulena. I rode by myself in the carriage I arrived to Helerod in, leaving Nulena to ride by herself; my other family members were packed in another carriage. I couldn’t care less that I was being selfish. I sat by myself in my carriage, refusing to let go of Idri. On the way home, in the carriage, I dozed off from crying. In my dream, Idri was standing upon a balcony, high above me. I gazed up at her. She smiled down upon me, dressed in a frothy gown of white, contrasted with a black corset laced around her waist. A heavenly glow came from around her; she was truly the most beautiful angel ever to exist. I slowly walked towards her, wondering if it was all real. I wanted to climb the wall to reach the balcony, and stand by her and hold her in my arms. But without warning, she was slowly dissolving into something else. She gradually turned into countless bats with velvet wings; they all scintillated with rich, dark hues. They fluttered away into the night sky. As for me, I remained on the ground, weeping alone.

            I awoke, finding Idri’s cold corpse still in my arms. Tears had escaped from my eyes while I was asleep.

            It took us a few days to return to Bormaunt. When it was daytime, we all stayed hidden in our carriages, with the curtains drawn. We remained sealed in our coffins until the sun sank for nighttime. Then we went onwards for our trip home.

            I’m now back in my bedchamber, writing in here while my family is lamenting and demanding what happened to our ghost servants. Right now, a few hours before the sun rises, I’m leaving Bormaunt Castle by myself. I’m taking Idri with me. My coffin is still in the carriage. I’ll use the carriage to go to Bormaunt Cemetery. I’ll put Idri in my coffin and bury her deep in the ground, and let her soul rest in peace. When I finish that, I’ll sit by her grave and wait for the sun to rise. When it comes, it’ll sear my flesh and burn me to death. I don’t care about the torturous pain. This life of mine is too full of suffering. I’ve had enough with living for two-hundred-eleven years. I don’t want immortality. I want life to let go of me and release me from its sufferings to join Idri in death. I don’t care if I leave Nulena as a widow. I don’t care if Aunt Jevoura weeps for my death. They all abandoned me. All of them!

            Idri, if you can hear me or read this, please wait for me. Don’t go too far on the road to afterlife. Please wait for me to come to you. I love you. I am sorry I never told you that while you were alive. I wanted to tell you for so long. However, my cowardly heart was scared that you, an unbelievably golden-hearted, sweet, warm girl, would reject me. Now that I have the courage, you aren’t even alive for me to tell you.

            I am crying as I write this. Tears are bleeding through the pages. I’m leaving now. I’m going to Bormaunt Cemetery to join Idri in death. Farewell, dear diary. Please forgive me for leaving you behind.

The Illegitimate Dhampir Prince,

Sein