After we kissed, Josh stared at me for a long time; his big soft hands holding my face the entire time.

After we were done kissing, we stared at each other a long time. Lily bit gently at her bottom lip. She closed her eyes and looked away from me, then grabbed me tightly around the waist.

After a while, I pressed him to me tightly and he gently placed his arms around me. We hugged for what seemed like ages.

Lily suddenly let go. "Look!” she gasped pointing to the huge bubble she blew only moments before, but now it was shriveled and holding on to life .
"It’s...it’s...its magic."
"I told you!"
"Shhhhh,” Lily said, placing her finger over my lips.

Then I kissed Josh ever so lightly on the mouth, but only for a brief moment before I stood to go home.
"Are you going..."
"Home. I can’t be out too late"

As Lily left, she held onto my arm, and I held hers. As she walked, her arm seemed to slowly slip away. Each second it seemed she got farther
out of reach. Her words came rushing over me all to soon like cold water splashing with unaccepted harshness.
At that moment , for the first time but certainly not the last, I felt a true, real, deep emptiness. Over the years that feeling never really went away, just faded in and out.
"Josh?"
"Yeah?”
"I’m sorry.” Lily said as tears fogged her vision.
"Why?"
"Because, I have to leave you, but, well… I… you know, I want to stay with you but I cant."
"Lily, never be sorry, never ever be sorry for things you can’t control."
"But”
"Go on now, silly girl. Go on before you get in trouble."
I walked slowly away, so I could just feel his presence before I had to go home, before the lonely feelings of 'home' rested upon my soul for the night.
"Lily"
I stopped abruptly. It was like I waked straight into a brick wall.
"Yes?"
"Will you see me tomorrow?"
"Of course, silly boy. I love you.” I smiled with a child-like smile of complete happiness.
"Right here, right after lessons?"
"Yup!"
"Oh, and Lily….."
"I love you too"

As Lily walked away slowly with her head turned, she was looking at me, so I dared not look away until she was out of sight.

"Lilyann"
"ma'am?"
"Dinner has started without you, so…"
"I know, I’ll be in my room.”
"Good"
"Oh, and my name is Lily"
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Well, I thought your name certificate said Lilyann."
"It does, but my name is Lily. Lilyann WAS my name, but I changed it."
"Because of HIM, right? Josh, that is what HIS name certificate says JOSH"
"Who are you talking about? Josh? Never heard the name before." My voice sounded calm and collected, but my heart was pounding so much I though it might jump out of my chest and fall onto the floor.
"Breaking two rules in one day! Do not even try to explain! Step into the room!"
I know I should not have lied but I did not care. I stepped into the room and lay down on the stone floor.

Maman poured cold water on me and beat me relentlessly with a bamboo stick. Really, I did not care that the pain was excruciating. I did scream, and I even cried a little.
However, I knew if I stayed strong, I would see Josh again soon.
"Lilyann?"
"Yes?”

I hurt too much to speak. My voice was only a whisper and my ears rang, but I knew who it was. It was not Maman, or any other fear-imposing person, it was my good friend Pheephee. She sounded so sad. Usually after I was beaten she was always empathetic, but never so sad.
"I’m sorry"
"Why?"
"I.. I told"
"Told what?" I struggled with my words.
"Josh’s kiss, I saw you two in the park, and she..."
"I know, it’s ok"
My heart was barely beating. I knew Josh was in trouble, and that’s what I feared most. Josh is gentle, sweet and weaker. He can’t take pain like we can.

"So, Josh?"
"Yes, Father?"