my brothers and sisters constantly lecture me about hanging out with the wrong people. and im like F them. how could they ever understand.

CONSTANTLY MISUNDERSTOOD>>> in fact, my family will never understand. cause first and foremost, they dont understand ME. they could try all they want. they could yell and scream. but my family won't see the dark scars of my heart clearly nor will they ever understand the dark emotions i feel day by day...

LOCKED IN MY ROOM>>> i cry. furious shouts. and banging on my door. i don't want you to come in. just leave me alone. anger or sympathies won't help

SCHOOL>>> friends. people just like me. people who share my pain. with them, i don't feel misunderstood. with them i can tell almost everything.

THE PATH I DECIDED TO FOLLOW>>> cuts. almost all of them have cuts. my friends said it helps to forget the pain; i ask, "BUT IT HURTS DOESN"T IT?" they shook their heads, laughed, and replied,"IT"S NOTHING COMPARED TO WHAT WE SUFFER FROM WITHIN...." they told me i should try and ..... i accept

ALONE IN THE BATHROOM>>> razor in hand. i am trembling. no. i can't back out now. i mustnt be afraid. I HAVE to be brave. my first cut. then my second. i dropped the razor as i cried from pain.

SECRETS>>> days passed. and then a week. no one in my family knows what i have done in the bathroom that day. they don't know. somehow i am relieved. and my friends at school, they nod their heads approvingly. but why... why... does this feel so bitterly unsweet?

CAUGHT>>> in my room. my own sanctuary. if only i have remembered to lock the door... if only i have been more discreet... then my little sister wouldn't have walked in and wouldnt have seen my bloody scars.

RETRIBUTION>>> i expected the shouts. the screams. i expected them to be furious at me. so go ahead, hit me. HIT ME HARD! i closed my eyes, waited for the slaps, the punches. but no, instead... they cried. they embraced me. that was unexpected.

IM WALKING DOWN A NEW PATH.

A RESOLUTION>>> ok. my family doesnt understand. they may never will.  but theres still one thing: they do CARE. theyll laugh when i laugh. theyll smile when i smile. theyll even cry for me when i am in pain. and  they will comfort my tears. something my "friends" can never do. my eyes have suddenly opened.

PURSUING A DIFFERENT KIND OF HAPPINESS>>> i will learn to forget their awful ways. i will learn to be a new person. i wont turn back. good-bye. my so-called friends.

Written from the depths of her heart,

CAMIL